Those of us that discuss death and grief frequently - we observe that the dominant western culture is often treacherous when death and grief occurs. After thousands of conversations with terminal and grieving people, I see the patterns and wish to gently but persistently call them out here. To me, this is a matter of social justice for the health of humankind. 

The denial of death and grief is a formidable force and it may be tugging on you right now. Stay with me here, if you can.

I offer analysis and ideas around desired cultural shifts in the treatment of the dying and the grieving here. Thank you for listening.

The term “widow” and “widower” is code. It stands for the level of personal disruption and hardship a death creates, as well as the measure of the bond and heartache. Yet there are those who have made commitments to one another without any state endorsed ceremony and license. The world of widows and widowers appears to them to be a gated community, walled by two pieces of paper – a wedding license and a death certificate. For many, it is their perception that this gated community keeps them out.

Here, I explore the later forms of the word "widowed" and explore how most of our beliefs around the words are fairly recent developments and I make a case for expanding our vocabulary.

The term “widow” and “widower” is code. It stands for the level of personal disruption and hardship a death creates, as well as the measure of the bond and heartache. Yet there are those who have made commitments to one another without any state endorsed ceremony and license. The world of widows and widowers appears to them to be a gated community, walled by two pieces of paper – a wedding license and a death certificate. For many, it is their perception that this gated community keeps them out.

Here, I explore the earliest forms of the word "widowed" and explore how most of our beliefs around the words are fairly recent developments and I make a case for expanding our vocabulary.